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Yogurt is Gross.

May 12, 2008

Via Feministing. I didn’t even realize how MUCH these STUPID Yogurt ads bothered me until I watched this video.
GO WATCH IT

This video is funny, my additions are unnecessary. And yet, I add things.

For me, a diet consisting of any yogurt at all would be comparable to a lifetime consisting only of bad sex. I hate the stuff. I can eat a bite or two before I am literally forcing myself not to gag on each bite. Why people would willingly subject themselves to this is beyond me. The fact that according to television women’s diets consist ONLY of yogurt concerns me not a little. I often feel the need to check my breasts and vagina to make sure I am not mistaken about my gender. I don’t even LIKE yogurt, can I still be a girl?

Also, My dad likes it, so uhh…. way to fuck up your chance with the menfolk advertising people. I predict new manlier yogurt within the next year. Perhaps jerky flavored, because men like MEAT right?

Moving away from the obvious gendering. What is with the normal to underweight women subsisting on a diet apparently made up entirely of active bacteria, dairy, and artificial flavoring? That doesn’t seem healthy. And these women are SO skinny, but constantly talking about weight loss. Why can’t we at least get an overweight woman on there talking about her diet? At least then skinny women wouldn’t think they need to eat only yogurt or they will be voted out of Club Estrogen, it would just be us fat chicks exsisting in dietary purgatory.

Blech. It makes me want a pretzel just to get the thought of yogurt from my head. (I recently mentioned to a pre-wedding dieting friend of mine that I was DOOMED because of the amazing Auntie Anne’s pretzels in my train station. To which she replied “Well why don’t you just keep some healthy snacks with you in case you get hungry? Like an apple or some yogurt.” Uhm.. Gee…> Because they aren’t an amazing buttery and salted pretzel? And will as such not fulfill my craving for said pretzel? DUH. This girl then proceeded to suck on one square of a chocolate bar for 20 minutes. Yeah, THAT’s healthy eating there!)

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23 Comments
  1. lol, awesome post! You made me laugh out loud. My coworkers must think I’m nuts.

    “This girl then proceeded to suck on one square of a chocolate bar for 20 minutes. Yeah, THAT’s healthy eating there!)”

    Priceless.

    I get so sick of those yogurt commercials, too. I find them incredibly disturbing. It’s bad enough I’ve got to choke down ads with beautiful fat ladies who’re thrilled they’ve lost X lbs and apparently look so much arbitrarily better, but those “Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” yogurt ads make me want to go throttle the ad execs, thinking of all the wide-eyed fourteen year-old girls pining to wear a bikini (which they can fill out for the first time ever) and thinking all they have to do is eat that delicious, just like pie (NOT) yogurt and they’re going to poof! lose that cosmetic 5 lbs that no one would have noticed anyway (one thing I’ve noticed about these yogurt ads is that I can never tell the difference between the “before” and “after” woman, except that in the “before” she’s usually dressed in frumpy sweats and in the “after” she’s in some bikini/skinny jeans/little black dress/enter stereotypical skinny clothing here.

  2. Jchan permalink

    I hate the stupid yogurt ads too, but real full fat Daal(at least 4% milkfat) is really yummy, if you like yogurts’ natural flavor. But I am the kind of nut who eats it plain half the time anyway.

  3. bookwyrm permalink

    I’m thin and I pretty sure I’m female and I don’t like yogurt either. Maybe I should get some independent confirmation?

    Does anyone else think that a custard-like thing (yogurt) masquerading as another custard-like thing (cheesecake) is more than slightly disturbing? I mean, if it tastes virtually the same and it has virtually the same texture, why on earth would I go for the substitute?

  4. Frankly I find any food masquerading as a food it is obviously not extremely disturbing. “I can’t believe it’s not butter” anyone? Even Fabio can’t make that taste good. My mom actually buys that stuff with a SPRAY PUMP. HELLOOO it is not BUTTER if it has a SPRAY PUMP.

    whoa… sorry, fake butter makes me a little crazy.

  5. I, too, hate the yogurt ads. I don’t hate yogurt, but I can only eat it about once a month or so. I can’t imagine eating it every day.

    I predict new manlier yogurt within the next year. Perhaps jerky flavored, because men like MEAT right?
    The Onion is already on that.

  6. I happen to love me some yogurt now and again…but those commercials make me want to hurl heavy objects at whoever thought them up.

    I’d be delighted to save you from yogurt by eating it myself…and remain both fat and happy while I do it.

  7. I haven’t seen the ad and I refuse to click the link because I’m sure it will make me gag, but I just had a couple of thoughts on yogurt.

    1, in yogurt’s defense, it is good to eat it when you are taking antibiotics or are otherwise low on your own natural bacterial cultures. Most packaged yogurt is so nasty, but I love the kind of yogurt that is used in Indian and some Middle Eastern foods… it’s a tarter, more liquid yogurt mixed with dill and cucumber for raita, or mixed with mango and rose water for lassi. So good! *swoon*

    2, I’m just thinking about the concept of yogurt being a diet food. And cottage cheese. White foods – which just a few months ago (on the Mike & Juliet show) we were reminded have “no nutritional value.” Maybe the obsession with yogurt as health food for women (which seems to be the case in your description of this ad) is wrapped up in some bizarre cultural mythology of feminine purity? Yogurt and cottage cheese, food for angels! : D I can’t think of any other reason why these foods should be so touted as superdietfoods. Avocados are super healthy and filling, but no one is telling us to eat guacamole all day long.

  8. I like yogurt, but have always been annoyed by some of the screwy artificial flavors that get dumped into it (cheesecake? white chocolate? coffee?). Plain yogurt with real fruit to me tastes good; the weird artificially flavored stuff is just wrong on so many levels. . .

  9. I love normal yogurt, but low-fat yogurt is disgusting indeed, as well as the commercials. That video was really funny.

  10. I’m with you, Zilly.

    Gelatin-with-milk-byproduct is… well it may be diet food but it aint yogurt.

  11. I’m with several people above – fat-free plain yogurt was something that was part of my most obsessive time with food, and I finally realized: I can’t stand fat-free plain yogurt. At all. But once I was able to shut off the yogurt = “good food” idea, I found vanilla whole milk yogurt (it has a cream layer on top and everything!). And that’s just a totally different experience, and fabulous on fresh strawberries with a little granola. It’s better taste, better texture, and better for me mentally because it’s a little bit of anti-diet mentality every time I eat it. A winner all around!

  12. Liam permalink

    >>HELLOOO it is not BUTTER if it has a SPRAY PUMP.<<

    (Laughing uncontrollably)

    I agree with all the commenters – there is a big difference between narsty ‘diet’ yogurt which is what the ‘good girls’ eat, and proper yogurt. There’s a dairy a few hours away from my hometown that makes astonishing yogurt. It’s so thick it eats spoons and so tangy it stings your sinuses and a couple of mouthfuls fills you up to the eyeballs with its savoury intense goodness. Gelatinized milk with fake key-lime-pie can go eff itself as far as I’m concerned.

  13. Definitely agree with the diet yoghurt = nasty dribble comments! It’s so far from real yoghurt it’s laughable.

    Real thick fresh Greek/Mediterranean style yoghurt is glorious stuff. Especially made into carrot or beetroot dip, served with pide or pita chips. OK, i’m off to write a recipe post now.

  14. I only like my yogurt creamy and packed with flavour – none of this fat-free crap. Liberte (available in Canada, not sure about elsewhere) yogurt has 8% milk fat and comes in amazing flavours like coconut and mandarin and apple pie and is MMMMMMM.

  15. tara permalink

    Yogurt is very healthy. by refusing to eat healthy foods you reinforce the stereotype that Fat people are unattractive because they are a bloated mockery of the human form.

  16. i_geek permalink

    Another vote for “only likes REAL (full-fat, either Greek-style or the stuff with the cream layer) yogurt”. The Greek yogurt that comes with the little sidecar of fruit preserves or honey is AMAZING. And I’ve got three cups of cream-top, chocolate-on-the-bottom yogurt in my fridge right now.

    That stuff in the commercials isn’t yogurt. One of the professors in my department recently released a book on probiotics, and while he was doing research for said book, he set a summer undergrad with the task of culturing out the bacteria in several different brands of yogurt to see if they were indeed what they claimed to be. The real yogurts were all fine and honest in their claims. The worst one tested was the one advertised as being “SO good” and that comes in all of those bizarre fake flavors (I won’t mention the brand name so as not to piss off the powers that be). Apparently the culture levels were way lower than claimed, and there were a few things in there that even the prof, a gut flora microbiologist, couldn’t identify. So my take is that this particular “yogurt” is the Twinkie of dairy products. Lots of fake stuff, not much of recognizable nutritional value.

    (Just read Julia’s comment. I think I might drive to Windsor and bring back a bunch of Liberte yogurt. I want coconut-flavored real yogurt, too.)

  17. Yay, a concern troll! Let’s unpack the troll’s assumptions, shall we?

    (1) “by refusing to eat healthy foods”
    Assumption: that shinobi doesn’t eat other foods of equal or greater “healthiness” as yogurt. I should probably add that this commentor assumes we’re working on the same definition of health, but I will give her benefit of the doubt and assume she meant “packed with nutrition” rather than “low on fats and calories”.
    (2) “you reinforce the stereotype”
    Assumption: that stereotyping is an effect of something the individual does, rather than a system of ideas imposed on the individual. i.e. the “it’s not a stereotype if it’s true” concept, or “it’s your own fault these stereotypes exist.” Here, I’ll help. (a) There exists a stereotype that fat peole don’t eat healthily. (b) TV shows and commercials that depict fat people consistently making unhealthful choices reinforce that stereotype. (c) Individual fat people making personal choices about food do not reinforce stereotypes. They are people making choices. The stereotypes are imposed by other people.
    (3) “that Fat people are unattractive”
    Wait now… what does attractiveness have to do with health again? I thought we were talking about nutrients!
    (4) “because they are a bloated mockery of the human form.”
    Aha, there it is. The hate in pure form, the motivation for posting. Well.
    Assumption: that fat is a “mockery” of the human form.
    Counterevidence: Venus of Willendorf. Any paintings by Ruben. Actually, most paintings from the Renaissance era – unless a female figure was suffering or dying, she was usually full-figured, with emphasis on the belly. Ancient Hindu paintings – round bellies, round arms, softness on both men and women. I could go on listing celebrations of large human bodies, but I think my point is made.

    Concern trolls make deconstruction look easy.

  18. I totally thought that was someone being sarcastic. That’s how stupid that statement sounded to me.

  19. tanaudel permalink

    Yay for pretzels! We just can’t get them around here. And I figure: food is only bad if it’s not intended for human consumption, off and you don’t enjoy it. As for everything else, as I was happy to say after a very cream and excellent gnochi dish last night: “I have no regrets!”.

    And yes: ‘healthy’ yoghurt is a different beast to real Greek or eastern or plain yoghurt – especially with fresh mango and plums cut up and mixed through it and just a drizzle of honey if it’s too tart.

  20. ktfrek permalink

    I definitely agree that yogurt ads targeting women are silly. They’re definitely a poor representation of reality. I especially like the video when she says it’s serving yogurt at your wedding good. Haha. I think you’re getting a little carried away though. I willingly subject myself to yogurt because I like yogurt. Add in some rather high calorie granola and I’m a very happy gal.

  21. Ursula permalink

    Great post, Shinobi! That video was hysterically funny. I’m so glad I don’t get TV; those commercials are putrid! Almost as putrid as the actual products they are hawking!

    Count me in the camp of “real” yogurt eaters … I love plain, real yogurt with some berries and/or granola mixed in.

    (BTW, I’ve admired your comments on other FA blogs. Just found your own blog today, and am glad for it!)

  22. “Yogurth eaters come from every race, but just one socioeconomic class. The class that wears grey hoodies. It’s that ‘I’ve got a masters, but then I got married’ look. These ladies are ON DIETS”. HAHAHAHAHA Quality, funny, scary and depressing at the same time.

    I hate it when media ruins my favourite foods and turns them into diet foods. I love yogurth (real, creamy yogurth that is not light and doesn’t come in surreal flavours to substitute the flavours that come in, well, solid food) and I’ve just discovered how to add natural flavours to plain yogurth via Barefoot Contessa (OMG ANOTHER FATTIE WHO LIEKS TEH YOGURTHZ LOL). I do it because it’s yummy, and I eat it with my cereal. And with proper fruits. But everyone then thinks I’m on a diet. Everyone gets so confused when people eat fruits and veggies and yogurth because it pleases the palates and their bodies crave it. These ads don’t help. LEAVE YOGURTH ALONE! *smears her eyeliner*

    That video is fucking great.

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