Pretzels of DOOOOM
I was so happy when I discovered the fatosphere and learned about health at every size and intuitive eating. Finally I don’t have to restrict myself with ridiculous rules and then feel like crap when i don’t follow them.
But it turns out that that is easier said than done. As Coffee and Cocktails pointed out the other day, it is one thing to say you eat without rules and another to do it. This whole intuitive eating thing is HARD. And I struggle every time I eat something that is crap not to beat myself up about it.
Which brings me to the Pretzels of Doom. Auntie Anne’s. They have a stand in the train station right next to my train. Let me tell you, those pretzels are AMAZING. I cannot stress this enough for people who have not had them. My favorite is the classic which is soft and warm and buttery and covered in salt, and warm and jsut completely delicious, when paired with a lemonade it is an amazing snack.
The thing is, I get them way too often. And every time some combination of the following thoughts is going through my head:
“I freaking love these pretzels.”
“I just will eat less at dinner cause I wont be as hungry this way.”
“That guy is clearly thinking that this fat girl should not be eating a pretzel.”
“This is my last pretzel this week.”
“I’m totally allowed to eat this I should not be feeling bad about eating food I love.”
And then I feel guilty after, I feel guilty for eating the pretzel while being fat, and I also feel guilty for feeling guilty because I’m supposed to just be eating what I want and not beating myself up about it. And it is just one big disaster.
But wow do I love those pretzels.