Flirting While Fat
There is an article I read today on CNN.com about flirting and using it to improve your daily life. The idea behind the article is not about flirting to find a mate, but about flirting to make your interactions with others more pleasant and to get what you want.
I myself am a TERRIBLE flirt. When I make eye contact with an attractive stranger I instantly look down and keep walking. Were that I could say this was because I was so deeply devoted to Mr. I that I’d never even consider flirting with another person. (I’m bisexual, so everyone is fair game.) The truth is, I’ve always been like this. With friends and aquaintances I am uniformly charming, or so I would like ot believe. With strangers I am shy. But I am almost never flirting. I’m terrible at it.
I have been, on many occasions, COMPLETELY SHOCKED by the fact that some other person was eager to get me into the sack. I can’t even begin to describe the cognitive dissonance involved in making out with someone who you had no idea was attracted to you until that moment. I guess because I grew up seeing myself as fat and therefore unattractive, I always assume that people are not attracted to me. Especially people above a certain level of attractiveness. So when someone is attracted to me I have absolutely no idea what to do from there.
Classic Story: There was a guy, in the beginning of college that I was SO into for YEARS. He was from my home town, and he is very attractive, fun to be around, smart, sexy so on fabulous qualities abounding. We talked on the phone a lot when I was away and hung out a lot when I was home from school. One evening we were hanging out in my basement with a bunch of friends. The power had gone out so we were playing with a camera flash (It’s really cool it makes the images freeze in front of your eyes so even though you move it looks like you’re still in the position you were in before. Very fun.) And we were sitting at a table and I felt the guy I had a crush on brush my foot with his.
I shit you not, before I even thought about it these words rushed out of my mouth: “Uhh… That’s my foot.”
For someone who is supposed to be smart, I can be so fucking stupid.
My friend the BostonLawyer does not buy my fatness as an excuse for my non flirtyness. She thinks I’m just being a scardey cat. Which, I am, I guess. It seems reasonable to me though because I am often facing, in my mind, a nearly 100% chance of rejection. I don’t want anyone to go home grossed out thinking “Was that fat chick flirting with me?” Interactions from grade school on up have not encouraged me to interact in an overly friendly way with people I do not know well. Their loss I think.
The idea behind this article, livening up interactions with other people, making people smile, just generally having more fun with strangers really appeals to me. I know that in Chicago such things must be used sparingly, a smile at the wrong person can land you a stalker for life. (Every girl who lives here has mastered the “angry” walk, which helps with random guys calling you” sweety” and complimenting your tits. ) But still, I think it would be nice to appear more confident, even sexier in my interactions with others. I have a right to enjoy my life and enjoy my interactions with people even if I don’t fit their idea of what every woman should look like.
I am going to challenge myself to be more flirtatious, just to see how it works out.