Hell is Other People’s Weddings
This is not a FA post, or even a feminist post. This is a “I am so stressed and want to murder half of my friends” post. Though Maybe I’ll be able to tie in something that someone besides me may actually care about. Mostly, this is for venting.
I am currently a participant in 3 upcoming weddings. Two of them are to take place within the next month. The other is not for a year. However, all of these brides are currently conspiring to make my life a living hell.
My friend whose wedding is not for a year was up last weekend. Very happily I took her dress shopping, which is probably the only part of wedding planning I actually enjoy. I love watching my friends try on pretty dresses. She found one, and put a deposit on it and then spent the rest of the ENTIRE weekend agonizing over it. Questions like “If I had a destination wedding would you come?” Uhm… No? “Do you think a band or a DJ is nicer?” “Do you think the location or the food is more important?” Were never ending. And I love her, and I know she is stressed, but after a couple days of that I was just about up to here. She also wants me to sing in her wedding. (Because she wants her bridesmaids to have jobs…. rather than just stand around… uhm… why can’t we just be guests?)
The next furthest away wedding is May 17 of this year. In this wedding I am the maid of honor. And honestly, it has been the bane of my existance. When she asked me I should have said no. But I didn’t. So for months I was looking for long black dresses to wear. And then Purple ones. And then finally they ordered dresses for us from David’s Bridal. (That don’t come with extra lenght, so… this should be fun.) So that’s been a nightmare.
The additional nightmare has been the bachelorette party. I started trying to plan it over two months ago. I had another bridesmaid who was “helping” if by “helping” you mean “Calls once a week, makes suggestions, and contributes absolutely nothing.” So, I turn to the bride, I ask for advice, what does she want to do, where should we go, what would work for her friends. (keep in mind I know 1 of the 25 people she is inviting to the party.) She gives me NOTHING. So I finally just plan shit and send out an invite last week. (I sent a save the date e-mail early in the month to get everyone’s contact info, because she only gave me a list of names. I had to use their myspace and facebook pages to get their e-mails and phone numbers. I am not kidding.)
The day after I send the e-vite she calls me “Why don’t we just get a hotel?” And now pretty much none of her 25 friends can come, so far I have 8 rsvps and most of them aren’t coming to the whole thing. So I am going to be stuck with a 900 limo bill, and 150 for the dancer. Because, you know, I have that money just laying around. Right now all I want to say for her toast is “Good luck buddy, You’re gonna need it.”
The most pressing wedding is coming up in a week and ahalf. It is my boyfriend’s brother’s wedding. They have asked me to sing at the ceremony, and I consented. Not knowing that I wouldn’t get the music until a week and a half before the wedding. And I didn’t even get actual copies yet. The bride just sent me a list of songs on monday. (along with a letter about her relationship problems. Joy.) So I have a week to not suck totally at her wedding. And then last night she texts me ” We were thinking of changing the trumpet voluntary to Sunrise sunset from fiddler on the roof. K?”
Uhm NO?!!!! That is not freaking okay. “Oh well my mom and grandma were just wondering.” You know what, tell your mom and your grandma that I said they can both shove it… that’s right, just keep shoving it.
So I tell my friend, the first bride, whose wedding isn’t for a year about all this. She’s all “that sucks” and I’m all “I seriously don’t know what to do, I can’t kill them, so maybe I should just kill myself.” And her response is… I fucking shit you not “You can’t kill yourself until after you sing at my wedding.”
Now, I’m not seriously contemplating suicide, and I know that this was meant mostly in jest. But it really didn’t help my feelings on the whole other people’s weddings thing. And when I tell her I need a month’s notice on the music, she tells me she already knows she wants the Ave Maria. And I ask her which, and she says The Christmassy one. *headdesk headdesk headdesk*
I don’t know why I end up in all these weddings. Once I make it through these three I will have been involved in 6. (With many friends left to go.) And I love my friends and all, I guess I just don’t understand why they don’t love me enough to just let me show up with a gift and get drunk. I am mad, that now there are other friends and family members who will probably want me in their wedding as well, and I will REALLY not want to be in it.
The whole wedding culture, and my upbringing makes it nearly impossible for me to just tell these girls to go fuck themselves. I think lots of other people get involved in weddings and then just slack off. But unlike other people who say they will do things and then don’t (See “helping” bridesmaid wedding #2) I am actually responsible. If I say I’m going to do/plan/be something then goddamnit I do it as well as I can probably 90% of the time. (Because if I don’t I am wracked with Guilt, YAY catholicism.)
I’m just so tired of this now, I am poor, and busy, and stressed all because other people are getting married and feel COMPELLED to somehow involve me.
I never really planned on getting married (I’m really enjoying everyone just assuming that our engagement is imminent right now, it’s possibly one of the rudest experiences of my life.) But now I want to get married, I want to get married and I want to make all of my friends buy the ugliest most expensive dress I can find (You can SO get this altered and re wear it) and take a month off work so they can fly to figi and attend me as my personal servants.