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Vagina != Surgical Opening? Pls?

February 17, 2009

So, I can’t actually read this article. I got as far as understanding that they were implying that using the vagina as an avenue to preform dangerous stomach shrinking surgery is a really great idea, and then I was so squicked out I had to close the window.

(I have to keep my eyes closed to watch House, it’s a problem I have, I’m not proud.)

So, I thought you’d want to know.  Not only are Vagina’s good for making babies, they can now also be used to make you temporarily thinner!  Isn’t that great news ladies.  I didn’t read far enough to find out what they use on the menfolk though.  You’re on your own there.

I skimmed to the bottom for my daily dose of shaming.  The article concludes with:

Despite efforts to make surgery easier and more comfortable for patients, natural orifice surgery isn’t a cure-all for obesity.

“Surgery is just a tool,” Ikramuddin said. “You need to have given up the Doritos, given up the apple juice… If you eat like that, no bariatric procedure is going to help you, period.”

Can someone please explain to me when the juice of fruit entered the same realm of food products as corn covered in processed cheese chemical?

I am so glad that I found the fatosphere so that no part of my brain thinks it is a good idea to hope that some day someone can cut through my vagina to give me surgery so I can force myself to starve until I am thin. SO GLAD.

If someone else less squeamish would like to elaborate further on this article that’d be awesome.  I must now cleanse my brain of medical creepiness.

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17 Comments
  1. I’m not a doctor (yet), but basically it’s more research into the possibility of using the body’s natural openings to expedite the healing process in surgery. Gastric bypass is just one surgery is just one example, since appendectomies, hernia repair, and other abdominal surgeries could be done through the mouth or vagina because healing time is shorter, there is less risk of infection, and there are no unattractive scars.

    It’s actually a good advance in medical technology. Too bad it’s being marketed as a new tool for mutilating a healthy digestive system.

  2. Wait, what? Apple juice is bad now? WHY?

    Also please to be keeping surgical instruments away from my vagina, thanks. I’d have closed the window too.

  3. Yup, that’s what I thought. If you’re a man, they’re going through the butt. Ew.

    Women have an advantage because the vagina provides a direct access into the body, Horgan said. The vagina requires little to no cutting, and heals extremely well.

    My vagina is for penises, dildos, fingers, babies, and the occasional carrot.

    Does this remind anyone else of lobotomies? I mean, the “natural” openings like going through the eyes in the case of lobotomies?

    They also say they’ve done other procedures like removing gallbladders and kidneys through the vagina (during clinical studies). Yuck.

  4. BL, they wouldn’t use the rectum. Too much risk of infection.

  5. randomquorum permalink

    I’m sorry, did that guy really say that if you consume apple juice nothing on earth will stop you from becoming DEATHFAT?!

    Now, maybe all the fat is going to my brain, but I’m pretty sure that apples (and hence their juice) are pretty damn good for you – full of vitamins and stuff, you know?

    Maybe that’s the problem…. fat people are getting too many vitamins!

    /snark

  6. anon permalink

    To be fair, fruit juices often contain a lot of added sugar. I agree that’s not the same as doritos, but it’s also not the same as eating a straight up apple.

  7. libbyblue permalink

    fruit has sugar in it. fruit juice has all the sugar but virtually none of the fiber (and often fewer nutrients) than is found in fruit itself. i find fruit juice isn’t terribly good for you unless what you need is sugar, in which case it is a tasty fix. i still don’t get how natural sugar with some vitamins in is equivalent to “corn covered in processed cheese chemical.”

  8. I’ve seen a shift in recent years towards fruit juice being Of The Devil and something you must keep away from your children at all costs. It baffles me, since I remember being a kid not that long ago and our parents would thank their lucky stars if we kids wanted fruit juice instead of soda.

    My grumpy interpretation is that they discovered that making kids not drink soda wasn’t magically making them skinny. So it must be that darned fruit juice they replaced it with!

    Give them enough time and they’ll admit that since they’ve taken everything else away and we’re still fat, it must be the fault of the diet food. Or the cough drops. If we’d all just stop ingesting anything at all, our problems would be cured!

  9. ShannonCC permalink

    Ow, ow, ow. Now I feel all squicky. Um, I don’t think I want to read the article but how does this affect (future) pregnancy and childbirth? They’d have to cut through the uterus wouldn’t they? Ok, now I’m double icked out.

  10. Gross gross gross!

    Just to clarify about the butt thing, I think the article actually said they’ve never performed the surgery that way because there’s too much bacteria.

    But anyway, what I’m wondering about all this is whether this new development is seriously supposed to encourage women to get WLS. That certainly seems to be the message, but who in their right mind is going to be *more* excited about it when they find out it can be done through their vag? Certainly nobody I know!

  11. The article said that patients who had undergone surgeries through the vaginal opening had no problems with pregnancy or childbirth. I don’t think it would be any more dangerous than a C-section- even less so because of the tiny size of the incision.

  12. meerkat permalink

    Apple juice? Srsly?

    Although yeah, it does pay to read the labels to see if you’re drinking fruit juice or fruit-flavored sugar (I don’t get the impression that this is so common with apple juice specifically though, because it’s already quite sweet), and they do tend to remove the nutritious parts of the fruit when they make juice even if the juice is 100% fruit (although, really? Doritos?). But what if I get that health-food-store juice where they juicify the whole fruit and add nothing?

    It seems to me that it’s not so much that we need to give up drinking fruit juices as we need the juice industry to stop selling us crap and pretending it’s real fruit juice. Or at least have the real stuff more available. If would be nice if you are at a drink machine to have options beyond HFCS soda, fruit-flavored sugar-water (also HFCS), and gross plasticky-tasting water.

  13. I agree that it’s a weird idea, but once surgeons have enough experience with it, that sounds like a reasonable option. I am trying to figure out why the more I think about it, surgery without external incisions seems sci-fi awesome to me. I think it’s because I can only think about my body as one whole, so I don’t like my vagina more than I like me skin or my ankles.

  14. A. Pseudonym permalink

    As someone who may face a kidney transplant in the future, I’m all for using stuff like this in my surgery. It’s definitely not for everyone, but I’d be willing to use this method. That said, this particular article is awful.

    Also I love how surgery is like omg so dangerous if you are obeeeeeeese! but if you want weight loss surgery it’s like Sure! Hop up on the operating table!

  15. A few things occur.

    Excuse me asking big liberty,

    My vagina is for penises, dildos, fingers, babies, and the occasional carrot.

    But is this your personal vagifesto?

    “We have three patients who got pregnant [after a transvaginal surgery], so pregnancy isn’t an issue,” Horgan said.

    I notice they don’t mention pleasure, but as long as mutherhud is taken care of, who cares?

    Also, I’ve got a wizard wheeze.

    As eating and weight are endpoints of our metabolism, why don’t they try re-establishing underlying metabolic cycles.

    That way, they won’t have to cut any part of the body and oh…. they might not be able to make any money.

    Scrub that .

  16. Oh my god. Just… oh my god.

    I think the fruit juice thing is down to the popularity of the GI (you might know it also as “GL”) diet a few years ago. You know, it was the next big thing after Atkins! Anyway, that diet tells you to “eat the fruit, not drink the juice!”, for the reasons libbyblue mentions above. I know all this because my mother is a big proponent of the GI diet and likes to say that sort of thing to me. Sheesh.

  17. Amananta permalink

    *just passing through*

    When they say fruit juice they are probably specifically thinking of things like apple juice, which really is nothing more than sugar water. but fruit juice itself was relentlessly marketed as a “healthy choice” when I was a kid (I’m 37) against all real reason to believe it is so. Some fruit juice has vitamin C naturally occurring in it – orange is the best example – but kids tend to like grape juice and apple juice, which are actually very low in nutrients unless they are added in.
    So now that the big fear is TEH FAT instead of TEH VITAMINS, we aren’t supposed to let them drink that either. It’s all skim milk and water. That’s what the doctor told me my five pounds “overweight” 13 year old son should be drinking. I smiled, nodded, and ignored him. With a possible 12-18 inches of growth awaiting him in the next 2-3 years, I figure a few extra pounds will all get stretched out sooner or later.

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